Before we get into things, I would like to tell you that I would not make the mistake of advising you based on MY prior experiences. Why? Because I have created a lane for myself. A lane in which the good hands of All-State insurance couldn't cover you should you dare to swerve (they better pay me for the shout out). I pretty much do and say whatever I want with little to no consequences. I can't tell you how that works for me, because I don't know. But it does. So no, this isn't me giving you tips I've learned from my own mistakes (because I don't make mistakes), but things I have learned through my observations as a citizen of the world. Let's commence, shall we?
5. Relationships should be gradual.
How gradual? VERY gradual. Hell, if you're not married, and you can pinpoint a date where your relationship began, you're probably doing it wrong. People set themselves up by this myth about becoming "official" and jumping into some imaginary pool that is a relationship. The only way to become "official" is to put a ring on it. This isn't to say that you shouldn't become exclusive and all that until you're married, but that IF the feelings are genuine, you won't have to ask for all of the benefits. They'll occur naturally and you'll never have to wonder if any of it is forced.
4. "Bros Before Hoes"/ Whatever corny alternative girls are using is a good M.O.
This motto can only logically be applied when there is a choice to be made. Now, I make this claim in reference to your TRUE friends. Those in your inner circle who you trust the most. If those friends are friends that would put you in positions to compromise your happiness on a regular enough basis for this to cause a problem, then you have another issue on hand. BUT, if you have surrounded yourself with solid friends and a love interest comes into the picture and you find yourself constantly having to choose between the two, YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG. Girlfriends/boyfriends come and go, but your friends are supposed to stay there through thick and thin. Keep in mind, these are the same friends you'll need to lean on when said girlfriend/boyfriend does you in. Think about it.
3. Women can't have it both ways.
It's 2010. If you can run for president, you can pay for dinner, make the first move, and all that good stuff every now and then. This doesn't mean chivalry is dead. It means we don't live in 17th century England, and if you want to live there, you should try the Amish life. I hear it's pretty close.
2. COMPLEMENT not COMPLETE
People are ENTIRELY too dependent on their significant others. If you "can't live without them," YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG! That's not a partner. That's a child. You should complement each other, not complete each other.
1. Facebook CAN ruin you.
Your relationship shouldn't be a headline in someone else's newsfeed. What other people think of you is none of your business. A relationship is between TWO people. Not between those two people and 1,946 facebook friends. Everyone has an opinion, and the vast majority of the time we give other people's opinions WAY more weight than they deserve. And changing your relationship status looks childish. Those who NEED to know, should find out through other means, like this old fashioned thing called a conversation. All of these things compiled with the fact that Mark Zuckerberg is an asshole should be enough red flags to keep your relationships off the interwebs.
P.S. If EVERY status is "I love *blankety blank*" you look stupid. WE don't need to know that. He/she does. Call his/her ass and tell them that yourself.
I didn't really cover all the bases here, BUT I am a real person. You know, with a life and stuff, and things to do. So this concludes today's post and the first REAL post of Real Rime with Ralph Rude. Feel free to question, comment, criticize, and all of that.
If you have any questions or topics you want to see addressed, feel free to send them over to firstname.lastname@example.org and I'll see what I can do.
Until next time folks. Remember to laugh. There's always someone uglier than you.