Sunday, July 11, 2010

Entertainment Gone Too Far

So for those of you who do not live under a rock, you probably know LeBron James recently chose to join fellow NBA All-Stars Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh in playing with the Miami heat for the upcoming basketball season. Let's get a few things out of the way.

1) No, this is not going to be an entire blog about LeBron James. I'm as tired of hearing about it as you are.
2) There is absolutely no reason Dwyane Wade's name should be spelled like that. Between "LeBron" and "Dwyane" there are ALREADY six red squiggly lines in this blog post. Unacceptable.
3) My friend Dante provided the most accurate description of Chris Bosh I've heard to this point in my life. Sure, we already knew he looked like one of the things from "Avatar," but have you ever seen a homosexual velociraptor? Bam. Chris Bosh. What does that have to do with anything? Nothing. But this is my blog and I do what I want.


Perhaps the most disturbing thing to me about the whole situation is the reaction that the city of Cleveland had to LeBrenedict Arnold's flight. Don't get me wrong, it has all been nothing short of hilarious. Did you see the sign that Cleveland restaurant erected?! (Sorry, I've just been looking for a reason to use that word). But, some of the reactions have been downright extreme. Burning jerseys? Why would LeBron care? Did he pay for that? I'm fairly sure that NO ONE in Cleveland really has money to burn like that. If they did, they wouldn't live in Cleveland (why do you think LeBron left?). There were grown men. Crying. Over another grown man. That they've never met. Who didn't die. Now, trust me, I love sports as much as the next guy, but if Michael Jordon decided to gang up with Jesus Christ and play football for the University of Miami Hurricanes and then transfer to Florida State, I can count the number of tears I would shed on no hands. This really made me think of where people's priorities are.

We care SO much about these entertainers and such that we forget when to stop caring.

I once met a stripper who decided to tell me that she named her son LeBron. This bothered me for the following reasons:
1) I promise you I didn't go to the strip club to hear about anyone's personal life. That's what diaries are for.
2) She was a Mexican. How do you react to a Mexican baby named LeBron?!
3) LeBron could go on a rape and pillaging spree RIGHT NOW. Then she'd be stuck with a Mexican baby named after a ball player who just went on a rape and pillaging spree. Then what do you do? Not to mention your little LeBron could grow up to become a sports fanatic who cries when his favorite athlete leaves his favorite team. Then you have a grown ass crying Mexican named after a ball player notorious for going on a rape and pillaging spree on your hands, and no one knows how to handle that. Humans just aren't built for that.

I guess what I am trying to say is this: mind your business. Watching TV and all that stuff is cool, but when you turn it off you should go right back to living your own life in the real world so you don't do something stupid. Somewhere, there's a kid named Orenthal James, and his life is very difficult. Why? Because his parents were too busy living in TV land to stop being retarded.

Until next time folks. Remember to laugh. There's always someone uglier than you.

If you have any topics you'd like to see discussed, drop a comment or hit me up on twitter (

Friday, July 2, 2010

The Great Gay Debate

So I've been considering starting a video blog for the past couple of days, and as a part of the process, I started browsing other video blogs on YouTube. In the process, I came across some enlightened negro going on about how being gay couldn't possibly be a choice because of something to do with evil demon spirits that Jesus wouldn't condone or some hogwash and I got angry.

First off, if I decide NOT to do the video blog, we can all blame that guy. I'd never want to come across as that bored or stupid.

Second, SINCE he got me so angry, here's my take on the never ending gay issue, and if you don't like talking about it, I suggest you exit now and carry on with your day as scheduled. No love lost.

As a heterosexual male, I actually don't care about what homosexuals do. It has nothing to do with me. Our paths really don't conflict. Well, not the males at least, you know? Because I like women, and they like men. Lesbians on the other hand, that's unfair competition, but I'm a huge fan of their movies, so they're okay with me.


Being that all of these homosexuals are off falling in love with each other, minding their own business, I see no reason why I cannot do the same. Why should I waste irreplaceable time out of my intrinsically valuable life to protest how someone else spends their equally valuable life? It's never really made since to me.

Let them marry. Gay people marrying has absolutely nothing to do with heterosexuals. I always hear this thing about preserving the "sanctity" of marriage as if homosexuals are the world's GREATEST threat to the "sanctity of marriage." Guys, Tiger Woods was married, had a separate caddy to tell him which white woman to use and is now on the verge of losing $750 million hot damned dollars because of it. In the long run, that BASICALLY makes Elin the world's most expensive pimp, in that she's collecting more than half a billion dollars from the work of OTHER females. It is THAT type of selfishness that is ruining the sanctity of marriage people. Both of these people are (supposedly) heterosexual.

In addition, why should what YOUR marriage means to YOU be affected by what other people are doing with THEIR marriages? That's just another classic case of people not being able to mind their own damned business. Your marriage's sanctity should speak for itself, and depend on YOUR actions, NOT the actions of two people of the same sex somewhere else. Marriage should not be a governable institution. University of Phoenix online should be a governable institution. Marriage should be a bond between two people, recognized and respected by others.

Now, a lot of people wonder why a gay person would chose to be gay. They never know the answer, they're just sure that at some point in time, a choice was made. To those people, I pose this question: At what point did you chose to be straight? I personally cannot pinpoint any point in my life where I sat down with a naked Barbie doll and a naked Ken doll in front of me, and played eenie-meenie-minie-moe or whatever to decide which anatomy I would forever be attracted to. It was always the boobies that got me. I can't help it. Til this day, I love boobs. Women are wonderful and I love them, and there's nothing I can do about it. And I'm a PRETTY strong person. Now, call me close minded or short sighted, but I don't really see how or why anyone could make a conscientious effort to suppress these strong biological and physical urges and go in the exact opposite direction with them. Yes, I am strongly asserting that people are born gay. No matter how hard I tried, if I went to a club tonight I could NOT leave with a dude. I just don't have it in me.

Now there's always a strong contingent of people who STILL refuse to rationally evaluate the case I just made, and for that contingent, I'll make things a little simpler for you. Most people have, at some point in their lives, been attracted to someone that they knew was not good for them. They weren't a good match, they were a b*tch, they were an assh*le, they had too many baby mamas/daddies, something of the sort. You knew it wasn't good for you, and you were attracted anyway. Why? Because people are born inherently retarded. And because you can't really help what you're attracted to. It's biology. (Let the record show that I'm not calling homosexuals retarded or saying that they're attracted to things that are bad for them. I was talking about people.)

I understand that my stance on the matter may be a little too liberal or radical for some to digest, and honestly if you can't get on board with it, that's fine. There's literally no use whatsoever in arguing to the death about an issue that has absolutely nothing to do with us. This debate is tantamount to 20 million dudes debating on which brand of tampons is the right one to use.

I guess my REAL point is this: if you have enough time to convince yourself that being gay is wrong and that gay marriage is going to be society's downfall, it's PROBABLY time for you to get a job.

Until next time folks. Remember to laugh. There's always someone uglier than you (and statistics say they're PROBABLY a heterosexual).

If you have any topics you'd like to see discussed, drop a comment or hit me up on twitter (

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Don't Believe the Hype

A lot of times, people use music as a coping mechanism. There's music to match every single emotion imaginable. There's intelligent music, and there's ignorant music (the vast majority of which coming from Atlanta). There's peaceful music, and there's violent music. There's loving music, and there is angry, hateful music. There's music that was written with the purest, most genuine thought and sentiment possible. And then there's most music. It's just supposed to sound good so you'll buy it.

What's my point? My point is this: there are SO many people who look to music for motivation/assurance without entirely thinking of what the hell they're cosigning. Examples? I thought you'd never ask.

In a Drake song entitled "Find Your Love" he croons "I'm more than just an option (hey, hey, hey)". I remember a huge face palm the very first time I heard this lyric in anticipation of the newest breed of artificially empowered people to surface. And on cue "I'm more than just an option" tweets, Facebook statuses, and text message signatures spread like wild fire. Well, I'm sorry to play myth buster here, but statistically and realistically speaking that's a lie. There are approximately 6.8 billion people on this planet. About half are female, and half are male. Even if you ARE one in a million (which is highly unlikely), there are still 6,800 other people JUST LIKE YOU roaming around this Earth somewhere. So sorry to rain on your parade, but you're really just an option. That's it. You can sing that song if you want to, but Drake's going to have you posting personals if you get to excited with that song.

In 2008 Destiny's Child superstar Beyonce Knowles dropped two bombshells artificially empowering black women across America, and for this, I hate her. She first suggested that single women everywhere should feel gypped because "If you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on it" in a song ironically titled "Single Ladies." Simultaneously, everyone chose to ignore the fact that Ms. Knowles is actually married to one of the biggest names in hip-hop history, Mr. Shawn "Jay-Z" Carter. Beyonce's just trying to make an honest living. She's done no wrong. It's the single ladies taking single advice from a married woman with an ENORMOUS ring on her finger who worry me. The same women who would thrive off another burst of energy from Ms. Knowles in the same year when she dropped her smash hit "Diva", which declared that "a diva is a female version of a hustler." Let's pause for a minute.

di·va   [dee-vuh, -vah]
–noun, plural -vas, -ve  [-ve]
a distinguished female singer; prima donna.
1880–85; < It < L dīva, fem. of dīvus god; cf. divine

hus·tler   [huhs-ler]
–noun enterprising person determined to succeed; go-getter.
2.Slang . a person who employs fraudulent or unscrupulous methods to obtain money; swindler.
3.Informal . an expert gambler or game player who seeks out challengers, esp. unsuspecting amateur ones, in order to win money from them: He earned his living as a pool hustler.
4.Slang . a prostitute.
5.a person who hustles.
1815–25; hustle + -er1

Guys, those aren't the same thing at all. Not even close to synonyms. All of you lose. It was just a song.

This motivational music is no new phenomenon. Let's take a journey back to June of 1999, when R&B girl group Destiny's Child (Ms. Knowles seems to be a repeat offender here) dropped the fed-up women's anthem "Bills, Bills, Bills" following the success of TLC hit "No Scrubs." The chorus of this song went as follows:
can you pay my bills
can you pay my telephone bills
can you pay my automo'bills
then maybe we can chill
I don't think you do
so you and me are through

Many women adopted this as a motto while simultaneously forgetting the fact that they could not pay their OWN telephone, or "automo" bills. They failed to realize that this did not make them empowered, independent women, but gold diggers. Once again, you've failed.

My point in all of this? I guess what I aim to say is this: you look stupid. These songs were created for the sole purpose of capitalizing on the vulnerability of insecure people who would latch on to their messages as motto's on which to base their next moves, insecure people who would in turn inadvertently end up offering free promotion by repeating they're stupid lyrics day in and day out.

In short, DO NOT turn on the radio for advice. Take your lonely ass to church.

Until next time folks. Remember to laugh. There's always someone uglier than you.

If you have any topics you'd like to see discussed, drop a comment or hit me up on twitter (