Sunday, July 11, 2010

Entertainment Gone Too Far

So for those of you who do not live under a rock, you probably know LeBron James recently chose to join fellow NBA All-Stars Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh in playing with the Miami heat for the upcoming basketball season. Let's get a few things out of the way.

1) No, this is not going to be an entire blog about LeBron James. I'm as tired of hearing about it as you are.
2) There is absolutely no reason Dwyane Wade's name should be spelled like that. Between "LeBron" and "Dwyane" there are ALREADY six red squiggly lines in this blog post. Unacceptable.
3) My friend Dante provided the most accurate description of Chris Bosh I've heard to this point in my life. Sure, we already knew he looked like one of the things from "Avatar," but have you ever seen a homosexual velociraptor? Bam. Chris Bosh. What does that have to do with anything? Nothing. But this is my blog and I do what I want.


Perhaps the most disturbing thing to me about the whole situation is the reaction that the city of Cleveland had to LeBrenedict Arnold's flight. Don't get me wrong, it has all been nothing short of hilarious. Did you see the sign that Cleveland restaurant erected?! (Sorry, I've just been looking for a reason to use that word). But, some of the reactions have been downright extreme. Burning jerseys? Why would LeBron care? Did he pay for that? I'm fairly sure that NO ONE in Cleveland really has money to burn like that. If they did, they wouldn't live in Cleveland (why do you think LeBron left?). There were grown men. Crying. Over another grown man. That they've never met. Who didn't die. Now, trust me, I love sports as much as the next guy, but if Michael Jordon decided to gang up with Jesus Christ and play football for the University of Miami Hurricanes and then transfer to Florida State, I can count the number of tears I would shed on no hands. This really made me think of where people's priorities are.

We care SO much about these entertainers and such that we forget when to stop caring.

I once met a stripper who decided to tell me that she named her son LeBron. This bothered me for the following reasons:
1) I promise you I didn't go to the strip club to hear about anyone's personal life. That's what diaries are for.
2) She was a Mexican. How do you react to a Mexican baby named LeBron?!
3) LeBron could go on a rape and pillaging spree RIGHT NOW. Then she'd be stuck with a Mexican baby named after a ball player who just went on a rape and pillaging spree. Then what do you do? Not to mention your little LeBron could grow up to become a sports fanatic who cries when his favorite athlete leaves his favorite team. Then you have a grown ass crying Mexican named after a ball player notorious for going on a rape and pillaging spree on your hands, and no one knows how to handle that. Humans just aren't built for that.

I guess what I am trying to say is this: mind your business. Watching TV and all that stuff is cool, but when you turn it off you should go right back to living your own life in the real world so you don't do something stupid. Somewhere, there's a kid named Orenthal James, and his life is very difficult. Why? Because his parents were too busy living in TV land to stop being retarded.

Until next time folks. Remember to laugh. There's always someone uglier than you.

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