Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Why We Should Be Ashamed of Carfax

Before we begin:

First and foremost, I would like to thank all of you for all of the positive reviews you've given this blog, and the all around support I've seen for it. Whether you've tweeted about it, emailed a friend about it, or whatever, I would like to thank you. It is a truly humbling feeling, and for those of you who know me, you all know I'm not very easily humbled. This is a foreign feeling to me, and honestly it kinda makes my stomach hurt. Not sure if I like it or not yet...

Secondly, I'd like to thank a reader for bringing a couple of spelling/grammatical errors (that have since been corrected) to my attention, and to deliver a giant middle finger to the rest of you who let me keep posting like I was Lil' Duval.

Nextly (I know it's not a word... but it should be), I know I said a post a day, and I faltered. I ran into a few technical difficulties. Chalk it up to a holiday weekend shall we? In any case, I'd like to apologize to anyone who checked in and was greeted by a giant batch of disappointment. Get over it.

Lastly, I hope all of you had a horrible Memorial Day weekend. Why? Because I still saw a few lace fronts out there, and I'm holding YOU ALL accountable.


How many of you have seen the commercials for (or even used) Carfax? You know the little service that gives you a vehicle's history report? It gives you a list of all the stops the car has made in its previous ownership, anything the DMV has to report on it, some accidents the car may have been in, etc.

The idea being that there may be something about that car that would prevent you from wanting anything to do with it, so that you don't fall in love with extractive exterior of a car, and find out that there's nothing but sh*t under the hood. See where I'm going yet? Please say yes. No? Well I'll hurry up and get to it.

WHAT IF there were Carfax for people?

WHAT IF before we came involved with a person, we could read a report of everyone they had been involved with before, any problems they may have had with them, EVERY test result ever, etc.

Here's what I think would happen: NOTHING. Absolutely nothing would change. Why? Because people are born inherently... for lack of a better word, stubborn (For the record, there's a much better word. It's "retarded." But I was trying to be politically correct.) I put it to you that we could know EVERYTHING about a person's past, and it wouldn't change our decision in the least. Don't believe me? Let's take a look at a few scenarios.

"I know he got like 5 kids, and he don't really take care o' alla dem, but he is soooooo fine and sweet, n I feel like he really gon be different this time around, gurrrrl."

**Carfax translation**: I know it's been in a few too many accidents, and they didn't really fix all the dings the right way, but it's a really cute car, and these leather seats can't be passed on. I'm sure those dents and leaky pumps will magically fix themselves eventually.

"Dog, I know what you heard, but she ain't no hoe no mo', and besides, DID YOU SEE DAT ASS?!"

**Carfax translation**: Yes, the car has 500,000 miles on it, BUT IT'S STILL A LEXUS!"

Sounds kinda stupid right? Yes, those were extreme examples, BUT we all do it. EVERYONE.

Truth is, there are Carfax for people. Maybe they're not printed out in black and white for you to see (one of you should try that, I feel like there's money to be made there), but there ARE warning signs that we try to justify with the (often superficial) positive qualities we fall head over heels for. That's not a bad thing. Often, people deserve second chances.

But, would you ever go back to the dealer with this complaint: "I know you said this car has had transmission problems on 5 different occasions, but I'm schocked that the transmission would blow out on me like this!"? If you can honestly answer that question with a yes, I'm going to politely ask you to stick to public transportation for the safety of the other drivers on the road.

Likewise, if you're going to ignore warning signs in the people you choose to deal with and still narrate the same "woman (or man) scorned" story, I'm kindly asking you to silence yourself permanently. Yes, it takes two to tango. But it only takes one person to be a grade-A, unsolicited, moron. And honestly, that's what ignoring some of these warning signs boils down to. Stupidity. And you can be stupid in a room by yourself.

So what these Carfax commercials have brought to my attention, is that people are more selective with their CARS, than the company they choose to surround themselves with, and THAT is why we should be ashamed of Carfax. We don't deserve them, because we use them when they matter least.

BUT some wise Indian fella by the name of Mohandas Gandhi once proclaimed that:
You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

I say that to say this: if you're tired of seeing stupid people doing stupid things and making the world that much more difficult, stop doing stupid sh*t. Read the damned Carfax.

Until next time folks. Remember to laugh. There's always someone uglier than you.

(P.S.: The last couple of posts have been reader suggested topics. If there's a topic you'd like to see on this blog, feel free to e-mail me at trey.ferguson3@gmail.com or drop a line on twitter @MindjaBiznis)

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